I write, sometimes. I always keep it to myself, but here goes a small reflection.
I’ve spent many years pursuing an “objective”, trying to find an end point, a goal. As a professional athlete, you move up and down a path that seems to never end, very clear sometimes, very blurry others, building an image of yourself based solely on your performance.
This is being an athlete: you earn respect exclusively for what you can do and how hard you work. Sport is largely a meritocracy, and this is sometimes a complicated way of life. Everything that comes to you is based solely on what you do, and if everything that comes into your life is based on that, you easily become an egotistical being, how could you not? Life is happening in front of you but your default state is to be completely self-absorbed.
In trying to pursue this “goal”, this mental projection of what one believes they really want, I have strayed from the path, I have been distracted, I have made bad decisions and I have also made the right ones, I have sacrificed everything for sport, and I have also done everything right and it has not been enough, not when I put all my purpose in this vision oriented solely to the objectives.
In the process of finding my rhythm again, I have realized that, for me, there is no “goal” that keeps me on the path, nor an objective, but what keeps me moving is the struggle, a persistent battle which keeps me hungry and helps me build a process based on determination, discipline and consistency in being a professional in every small action, every detail specifically designed for high-level performance. I know that every morning, when I look at myself in the mirror and I am not the athlete I want to be, that is what keeps me going.
In relation to the first point I mentioned, I now move forward on my path through a “egoless” struggle, and this is a learning tool and character development. Personally, I cannot rely solely on motivation, it is too volatile, it is based on results, and most of the time I have to do what I have to do regardless of how I feel.
