It’s been a while since we caught up, and there’s quite a lot to share. We’ll take it step by step. I’ve had a couple of challenging years, a topic that deserves another post a bit later. I’ll explain it, but let’s say I’ve had two basically dark years both professionally and personally. When the time comes, I’ll tell you, but for now, I’ll say it reached a point where I made a clean break, check out. From golf and everything. Literally.
It wasn’t until mid-last year that I started to rebuild everything a little, and I did it the way I felt was necessary, that is, on my own. I started by clearing everything… I got rid of all the things that weren’t playing in my favour and the things I had accumulated during those tough times. Everything that was surplus and the bad feelings, the ghosts, and everything that came with poor play and not-so-positive experiences. I insist, both in sport and personally. I dedicated most of the initial time to that cleansing.
And then, working and recreating the foundations a bit on my own, because I thought it was something I had to do with myself. It was a solo job, and that’s how I did it. I rebuilt a part, the first one, which I believe was the most complicated. Then, I was lucky enough, completely by chance, to meet a person who is my current coach, named Paul Holland.
I met him in Vienna, at the Tour school. If we hadn’t met, I wouldn’t be competing right now. This is another topic I’ll also discuss later because it deserves another post. I’ll explain it in detail. I met him at a much better personal moment due to all the work I had done with myself, but quite poor professionally. In other words, I wasn’t playing well.
We started talking, discussing golf, techniques, and the sport in general, also more spiritual aspects. A bit of everything, and I liked it a lot. We connected in passion and as people. With him, I’ve discovered a technical world. I think I’ve always performed or succeeded more through talent than hard work. I’m not saying I haven’t trained; I’ve worked a lot, but I think most of my success years ago was more due to talent than anything else. I’ve always tried to stay away from everything technical. In a way, I could say I’ve always seen everything very easily. And to clarify: golf is not easy at all, and it has put me in my place many times and will continue to do so… But I saw everything a bit simpler. I had a more talent-driven, flowing vision. I’ve always wanted to distance myself a bit from this more technical side.
When I saw all these players analysing so many things and being much more mechanical, I didn’t really identify with them. However, over time, I would say I’ve been intoxicated by information without knowing how to use it. This created a dark cloud where I couldn’t perform, which, combined with my own issues, personal matters beyond the golf course, and bad decisions, has led me to where I am. Importantly, in the end, the responsibility is 100% mine, and I want to make that clear. I’m not justifying anything. I have the sole responsibility for all this, but in the end, there are other influencing factors.
Back to Paul. I’ve always distanced myself from more mechanical, technical golf, but unintentionally, working with different people who helped me, no doubt, and who are very good coaches, but with whom I didn’t function. I’ve been intoxicated by a lot of information that I didn’t know how to use. It’s not incorrect information, but I didn’t know how to use it and never really connected with it.
I found myself at a point where I didn’t really understand my swing. And there’s no worse feeling in golf than failing and not understanding why, not understanding your movement and not connecting with it. I had two options: either clear everything and return to my essence, to play a bit instinctively, which is practically impossible because stopping thinking about things you already know, that is, eliminating awareness, is super complicated; you can’t maintain it for five hours of golf, it’s impossible, or delve a bit more into the technical world with someone who connected with me and aim to understand my movement 100%. To have the information, but this time knowing how to manage it. Paul has helped me with this.
We still have a long way to go, of course, but it has allowed me to enjoy my golf again. I’m understanding my movement very well, which gives me a great skill, that of recalibrating during the tournament. Now I can fail and have the opportunity, I don’t always succeed, but at least I have the opportunity to recalibrate and readjust because I’m starting to understand my movement. I’m playing much better golf, I’m hitting the ball much better, I’m failing much better, which is a vital part for me, controlling my failure, or at least feeling like I control it.
As you know, I lost my category in Europe and opted for the Asia school. I was two real strokes away from getting the first division card, but I’ve always thought that when you give your 100% and feel you’ve given it, everything happens for a reason. I didn’t feel bad at any point, in fact, I returned home after missing the card and was very positive because the truth is I hadn’t played well for many consecutive days in a long time. I might have lacked a bit of practice, but well, I’m happy and determined to bet on what I’m doing, which is playing a minor league, the Asian Development Tour.
The most complicated thing is that these are tournaments on the other side of the world with little money. It’s not a comfortable situation. I know I don’t have the means right now to cover the season’s expenses. But I see it as a challenge. It’s going to the tournaments and knowing that you basically have to make the top 5 to cover your expenses. I take it differently, as I said, a challenge, and it motivates me more. I’m going to give it my all to compete in this tour and end up in the top 10 of the ADT ranking. The top ten get the full card of the Asian Tour, a very good card for which I’m going to bet and give it my all. I don’t think I’ll be able to play all the tournaments. Now 6-7 championships have been confirmed, and between 12 and 13 will be played. I’m going to try to play 9 or 10. The next one is in Vietnam. That’s the situation.
I repeat, the most important thing for me is that I’m playing much better, I feel much better, I’m hitting the ball much better, and I hope to get a bit of the competition rhythm. Now I’ve made the top 10 in Malaysia, which was like the grand slam of this tour. It was one of the ones with the most money. Normally we’ll play for purses two or three times smaller than this, so for me, starting with a top 10 here was important. It’s been a good step, and now to prepare for the next ones with my coach and keep doing the same.
It’s been a very long, very costly process. I believe in this life, call it karma, call it what you want, you pay the tolls, and I think when good things happen to you and you don’t value them, you take them for granted, in the end, you end up paying tolls that make you value everything you once had and no longer have. It’s part of life. I’m committed to this process, enjoying it, because I’m playing much better golf, although we still have a long way to go. We’re in a trend change, there will be bad moments this year, but I think things are going positively little by little, so I’m happy.
Regarding Malaysia, it’s a tour with a lot of level, like any tour today. In all tours, there’s a lot of level, there are very good players, and it’s very well organised, it’s a tour where we play courses that are very good, and the truth is I have nothing but good things to say about the ADT. I’m going to invest everything I have in this tour and see if things go well for us and we give ourselves the opportunity to quickly move up to the Asian Tour or wherever. But to keep climbing little by little, progressing and getting better each time. I’m very focused, as I’ve always been in my best moments, on the day-to-day, on the process, and on enjoying the improvement. Focused on becoming the player I once was and even a bit better because I believe we haven’t seen the best Pep yet.
